You probably think the job of a reporter is to report news. How old-fashioned, cis-gendered, White supremacist of you! That’s not it at all, certainly not at the august New York Times.

Instead, a reporter’s mission is to find out what kind of story would help the Democrats at any particular moment in time, and then write it, no matter how preposterous. Obviously, skills in sophistry and legerdemain are crucial.

Right now, nothing would help the Democratic Party more than somehow blocking Gov. Ron DeSantis of Florida from becoming the Republican presidential nominee.

That’s a tall order. DeSantis is not only running 70-30 on popular issues like immigratino, but he’s following through by actually enacting those policies — on everything from immigration to crime, to trans-mania, to anti-White racism. Most spectacularly, he made utter fools of the entire liberal brain trust over COVID.

This cannot stand. There’s a whole world of Times readers waiting for Pravda to land on their doorstep every morning to confirm their prejudices.

So what’s a liberal lackey to do?

I can now reveal the six takedown techniques taught to Times reporters on Day One — before they’re even taught that misgendering someone is a fireable offense — as illustrated by journalists Sharon LaFraniere, Patricia Mazzei and Albert Sun, in a million-word, front-page article on July 23.

1) The Kamikaze Run

Hit a person on his strongest point — he’ll never expect it. If the target’s loyal, call him disloyal; if he’s consistent, call him inconsistent; if he’s honest, call him a liar; if he’s good-looking, call him ugly.

And if he performed brilliantly during a global pandemic when almost all other government officials blundered, write an article saying: HEY, GOV! YOUR COVID RESPONSE SUCKED.

2) The Shocker Headline

Use a scary headline belied by the actual facts presented in your article.

Actual NYT headline: “The Steep Cost of Ron DeSantis’s Vaccine Turnabout … a grim chapter he now leaves out of his rosy retelling of his pandemic response.”

3) Hide the Ball

Deep within the story, bury the central fact that blows apart your narrative. Most likely, the reader will never get that far.

NYT, paragraph 6,000: “Overall, [Florida’s] death rate during the pandemic, adjusted for age, ended up better than the national average.”

4) The Ant’s Eye View

Find a brief, aberrational moment during the relevant time period that supports your phony premise.

NYT: “Floridians died at a higher rate, adjusted for age, than residents of almost any other state during the Delta wave … With less than 7% of the nation’s population, Florida accounted for 14% of deaths between the start of July [2021] and the end of October.”

That’s four months out of a three-year-long pandemic. During that precious interval, Florida’s death rate was, in fact, higher than the national average — as opposed to across the whole pandemic, when Florida’s death rate was lower than the national average.

5) “Huh. We Forgot That.”

Do not mention other, more likely, explanations for the aberration.

Like all airborne viruses, COVID hit southern states hardest in the summer (when people are crowded inside for the air conditioning) and northern states hardest in the winter (when people are crowded inside for the heat).

If you didn’t already know that, it was being reported everywhere at the time. Here, for example, is NPR in the fall of 2021: “We’re certainly seeing [COVID conditions improve] throughout Florida, South Carolina, southern Texas in particular. … [But as] the surge eases in the South, it could ramp up in the North, like last year.”

Just last week, the Times quoted a Johns Hopkins epidemiologist who noted that: “This is the fourth summer now that we see a [COVID] wave beginning around July, often starting in the South.”

Won’t well-informed Times readers know this? Absolutely not. For Times readers, the world began this morning and ended this morning.

5) The Imaginary Causation

Ignore painfully obvious facts that ruin your bogus theory of causation.

Your thesis: COVID deaths soared in Florida during the Delta wave because Gov. Death-Santis did not encourage young people to get vaccinated.

In fact, it was the Delta variant that couldn’t be stopped by vaccination, finally forcing the CDC to admit that vaccination would not prevent either infection or transmission.

As CNN reported in July 2021: “CDC Director Dr. Rochelle Walensky said new data had convinced her the Delta variant was ‘behaving uniquely’ … [and] the evidence indicated that fully vaccinated people who have breakthrough infections involving Delta may be as likely to transmit virus to others as unvaccinated people are.”

6) The “What Isn’t Like the Other” Statistic

Lard your article with statistics made meaningless by combining like and unalike things.

— “Of the 23,000 Floridians who died [during the Delta wave], 9,000 were younger than 65.”

OK, but how many were younger than 60? Is there no difference between a 23-year-old and a 63-year-old? Also, how many were obese? How many had co-morbidities?

— “Despite the governor’s insistence at the time that ‘our entire vulnerable population has basically been vaccinated,’ a vast majority of the 23,000 were either unvaccinated or had not yet completed the two-dose regimen.”

“Unvaccinated” is completely different from “got one shot,” i.e., “basically vaccinated.” For all we know, everybody who died from Delta in Florida had had at least one shot, contradicting the whole point of that statistic.

To use a professional journalist’s technique: This Is the Steep Cost of the Times’ Descent Into Mindless Left-Wing Activism … a grim chapter the paper leaves out of its history.

     COPYRIGHT 2023 ANN COULTER

With the latest indictment of Donald Trump, special counsel Jack Smith has delivered a comprehensive and well-documented case establishing beyond cavil that Trump is a clown.

Well, that’s something we’ve never heard before! Oh no, sorry, I mean we’ve heard it every day for the past 2 1/2 years: It seems that — stop me if you know this one — after losing the election, Trump lied to his supporters about election fraud, which led to the Jan. 6 riot by a right-wing mob.

The most shocking fact was that the mob was right-wing. Every other violent mob in the nation’s history has been left-wing. But their violence immediately goes into the Memory Hole. By contrast, Democrats and the media will not stop talking about Jan. 6.

The indictment does not charge Trump with “incitement,” and it’s not a crime to tell gigantic lies that lead people to commit acts of blinding stupidity. If it were, the entire media and Democratic Party would be in prison for life.

How about the lie the liberal industrial complex told nonstop in 2020 — and, in fact, throughout their entire lives — that black people are the victims of relentless racism in this country? How about their telling black Americans that they are justified in resisting the police, fighting with them and fleeing from them?

Those lies led to such an explosion of violence after the Day of Our Floyd, May 25, 2020, that by the end of the year, the annual murder rate had shot up by 30%.

As direct result of the media’s lies about racist AmeriKKKa, thousands upon thousands of people were killed who would otherwise be alive. The BLM/antifa riots caused billions of dollars in property damage — and that’s only counting insurance claims submitted in 2020. Not only that, but the orgy of homicide, violence, arson and robberyinspired by the media’s lies continues to this day.

The Jan. 6 riot itself — which, again, was a total embarrassment for Republicans — got no one killed other than one of the protesters, Ashli Babbitt. It did .00000001% as much property damage as the George Floyd riots. It has not continued with repeated right-wing riots every day since then.

The police officer who killed George Floyd when he was resisting arrest is serving 22 years in prison. The law enforcement officer who killed Babbitt when she was trespassing is accepting hearty congratulations for killing a Trump supporter.

To compare the proximate damage caused by the media’s lies to the proximate damage caused by Trump’s lies is like comparing a towering inferno to a cigarette burn.

Amazingly, the very people who lie to the public for a living are the ones suddenly claiming it’s a criminal offense to tell a lie.

It’s not. That’s why the only purpose of this week’s indictment is to allow the media to tell us, for the 8 billionth time, that Trump is a narcissistic moron who was willing to do anything to hold onto the presidency — anything, that is, except keep his campaign promises.

But being a narcissistic moron is not a crime.

Hatching ridiculous schemes to stay in office is not a crime.

Promoting absurd legal theories, even if you know them to be false, is not a crime.

Claiming you won an election that you know you lost is not a crime.

And, luckily for the media, ginning up a portion of Americans into a frenzy of violence with incessant lies about America being a systemically racist country is also not a crime.

Republicans: The media will never stop talking about Trump and Jan. 6. They’re not doing this to help us. We’ll be running Ron DeSantis’ son for president in 2060 — and they’ll still be talking about Trump and Jan. 6.

Perhaps if conservatives controlled the media, we’d still be talking about President Bill Clinton sodomizing Monica Lewinsky with a cigar in the Oval Office on Easter Sunday, then committing multiple obstruction of justice felonies.

But we don’t. We either give in and allow the media to make ALL NEWS, ALL THE TIME about Trump (bad for the GOP, good for the Democrats) or recognize what’s happening and play it smart.

Have you ever had a pointless argument with someone who just keeps saying the same thing over and over again? That’s the nightmare conservatives are trapped in right now. Every few weeks, the media explode in a volcano of “BREAKING NEWS” … and then repeat the exact same story we all knew by the evening of Jan. 6, 2021.

Ninety-eight percent of the conservative media are happy to play along, locked in an eternal debate with an idiot. It makes show prep easy, and they don’t care about the country — as long as the check clears.

You cannot win a pointless argument. You cannot force understanding. All you can do is stop. Walk away, put on your earbuds, pick up a book, but stop arguing. Specifically, Republicans, talk about the crisis at the border, Biden officials who defy the law, the explosion of crime in Democrat-controlled cities, critical race theory, the trans madness. Talk about anything but Trump — and especially Jan. 6.

He’s right about one thing: This isn’t about Trump. It’s about destroying the Republican Party.

We can’t win this fight, Republicans. All you can do is walk away. Move on from Trump and let the media amuse themselves perseverating about Trump. Just stop.

     COPYRIGHT 2023 ANN COULTER